Three months exactly since I last posted on this blog. I started a post once or twice during that time, but then stopped. I just got so burned out on this website. The endless parade of people coming in with the same dysfunctional stories and hurting each other over and over. And then the folks who just seemed to want to mock them rather than add anything useful to the discussions. BLEH. That, and I was doing a LOT of posting on tumblr, which took the place of some of what this site used to do for me.
Anyway, what's been going on with me? Nothing earthshaking.
Gia and I had some long, tense email conversations in the early fall in which I explained how my needs weren't being met and she explained how she wants to meet them but has struggled to do so. I appreciated all the effort she was putting into the communication, but there were times when I still felt just about ready to walk away. She committed to once-per-month dates, and that made a big difference for me.
She mentioned that she and Eric were considering hooking up with their friend Cass. She and I hadn't had sex in four months at that point. I told her that, with how I was feeling, I would really rather she hold off on getting with Cass until she and I had hooked up again. I felt bad asking, because I don't want to try to control things that don't affect me as a way of catering to my insecurities, but I just had the strong sense that I would be too jealous to handle it. She told me in no uncertain terms that she couldn't agree to that, because it would make her feel trapped and make her interest in being intimate with me disappear. I gave it some thought, and told her that I understood, and that I'd do my best to be ok if it happened.
All of that makes it sound like non-stop drama, but that's not the case, really. We've had some wonderful times together recently. Just last week, I took her to a kinky play party and we both had a great time. We've had some very sweet moments, and many more calm moments. I've been over to their house regularly for dinner, and have been loving every second of my time with Bee.
Gia and I still haven't had sex since June, though. I try not to focus on it. I'm not going to make a big point about it again, I already did that, she already knows that I have a hard time feeling loved, much less desired, when we're not physically close. If I reach my breaking point about it, so be it, I'll step back. Hopefully that won't be necessary. But I just don't know.
Clay and I are still going strong in our lust and our love for each other. We see each other about once a week. No plans to build anything bigger or do anything new, and we're both perfectly content with that.
He and Nikki nearly broke up in the early fall. She felt neglected by him, and like she cared for him more than he cared for her. She and I had gotten into the habit of talking regularly via google chat, and sharing our emotional struggles. She told me all about her frustrations with Clay, particularly with how unclear and almost evasive he was being in his communications with her. It was pretty upsetting to hear -- I hate to think of him treating a partner poorly, and if he could do it to someone else he could do it to me some day. But, on the other hand, it wasn't like he was doing anything outright *wrong*, it was all just sort of bunglingly handled on his part, assuming that it went down like she said (he also told me a little about what was going on with them, but went into much less detail).
Davis and I remain warm and sometimes awkward with each other. We also see each other about once a week.
I've had some flirtations with others, and a really lovely session of sex with a gentleman I'll call Kwan, but nothing remotely approaching serious. I don't have time for it, even if it might be nice!
I continue to struggle with focusing on my job, but it's not in crisis mode. I'm aiming to buy a house in the spring, and hoping that my roommates move with me (they've said they will, as long as I find a place that can comfortably meet all of our needs).
I hope that all of you reading this are happy and well!
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.