Thanks for the sympathy....
Yeah, I feel like crap for snooping but that's the only way I had enough background to talk to my wife. I haven't snooped AT ALL in a week which has been really tough. My wife tells me she is "doing what I asked" (not talking to him). I don't know if I believe, but I'm trying not to dwell on it. She has told me about 2 texts they sent back and forth this week about a mutual friend who's wife had surgery, so I do appreciate her being honest. I'm intentionally not asking her if she's talking to him. I do not want to come across as controlling at all. I want her to want to not talk to him and I guess the only way to do that is keep working at it.
Been reading a lot of posts on this forum, very intersting....and by the way, I disagree with those that say a poly relationship is more work...a mono relationship is VERY HARD TOO!!
I think I've just got to be patient and be there to support her as she thinks things through. I have to figure out that I will love her no matter what, but I can't be part of a relationship that involves another person.