Originally Posted by Mark1npt
It just seems to me that before you can love or determine that you love multiple people, you must love at least one. There has to be a starting point somewhere and unless you're sleeping around with multiple partners, there wouldn't be any opportunity for you to have multiple loves at the same time. And, having multiple loves vs. multiple lovers, is not the same thing.
I wasn't offended as much as just trying to raise questions about those general perceptions that I see in the community and the general couple-centric views.
I guess what I'm trying to say that as a person who has had multiple partners on a secondary basis, that does not mean that I'm just sleeping around and I know that this is the case for many poly single people. I have loved my partners deeply, yet have not had access to the benefits of a primary relationship. But many people in the poly community are quick to put the kind of love I have on a lower level than their couple units. Just because I don't have that primary relationship does not mean that I don't experience deep love or know how to love deeply.
And yes, I would like to have some form of partnership that involves cohabitation and building a family, and I guess the frustration stems from the fact that the very community in which I should be able to find such a partner seems to only let you in if you already have such a partner. There is a definite view that single people are not available for deep, loving partnerships but more available to just have "lovers". I think that perception is generally unfair.
I don't think it's necessary to already be partnered to be able to love multiple people deeply. And I find it ironic that many poly communities profess this idea that people can love in many different ways, yet seem to dismiss this ability to love deeply if the person is not partnered already.
I do appreciate your thoughts, so thank you for that.
But I am a debater at heart and I guess these are issues I feel pretty strongly about. I'm not only posting this to sort out my own feelings, but to also give voice to what I see as a pervading problem in many poly communities.