You dating the guy that in the past helped you husband's ex-wife cheet on him, the same wife that husband also recently had an affair with after the marriage ended and he got together with you, the same guy who your husband still hates (and also happens to be his brother)..... It would be obvious to anyone that this will not be the best of scenarios. Normally, I would not advocate loosing the bf, but come on; you've seriously started a big mess here. You should never even have asked if you could date someone he seriously hates to begin with, before things got resolved. If things are ever going to work out you will have to back off seing bf for a while, and let the brothers work out their issues without you in the middle. You should have seen this conflict coming.
...And so should he. He was stupid to agree to what he did, and hence he too has to take responsability for it. He has no reason to give you grief for something he himself agreed to. Of course he can say - and does say - that you cannot continue the relationship, but he has a responsability to make you cope with you not wanting to loose someone already in his life. Heck, he also has a responsability to his brother, both as his sibling and as his metamour. This is not something he can run away from, or try to solve with anger. He is IN this mess now; now he has to fix it. It is not like it is going to go away by ending the relationship - he is always going to know it ended because of him and he will still see his brother. He has to really, reallt dig harder.
I'd say the same for his brother/your bf. He willingly entered all of this, despite the past conflict with your husband. It is his responsability to resolve his part of the conflict and convice your husband things could work out. Normally, I would not say that short-term bf is part of the conflict, but since he also is the brother (and cheater from the past) he most definetly is.
p.s. Why do the ex-wife stay with you still ?
Last edited by Norwegianpoly; 11-19-2013 at 12:28 PM.