Thread: in over my head
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Old 11-19-2013, 04:47 AM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: South of Chicago, IL
Posts: 149

Originally Posted by pcflvly View Post
Several things lately:
1. She spent another night and I asked her how she arranged that. She said it was his idea.
2. He mentioned to her that I was up by 5:1 So he's obviously keeping score as if it was some kind of competition.
3. I visited them at her house. He was nice and I thought it was a pleasant visit but later she texted me that he went out drinking and appeared upset.
4. They all are out of town on a ten day vacation and I miss her a lot but looking forward to the breathing room and hoping that the time together reinvigorates their relationship.
5. Wanting to tell her to focus on him when with him and not spend so much time texting me but also not wanting to tell her that because I'm a big part of her support network and what if she really needs me.
Sounds like they're on their way to a complete falling out if things don't change. While its easy to blame him, and convenient, try to stay neutral if it happens. Your presence isn't causing it, and obviously those two aren't ready for polyamory. They're not even really communicating with one another.

My guess, he's been lazy in the relationship and she's now latched on to the idea that you're her knight in shining armor romantically. And she's willing to jettison him, or is starting to form the feelings to think it. And of course, he's still acting like things ought to go back to the way they were in some ways. Which goes to show, they were either sort of clueless to begin with - or she was ready to make a change and you're providing fuel for the fire. Again, not your fault.

It's a really bad sign that she's going to you with his personal comments to her. A really bad sign. Support network? No. I think to her, you're becoming the replacement for him. Whatever it is, it's been known to happen before. Even in this little life story blog, there's quite a few tales of folks replacing husbands and wives with new girlfriends and boyfriends, phasing out the spouse either entirely, or keeping them around for the paycheck and nothing else. With children involved, complications can be difficult.

Last edited by monkeystyle; 11-19-2013 at 04:59 AM.
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