Thread: Hi from Here
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Old 11-18-2013, 07:37 PM
Spock Spock is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: East Bay California
Posts: 134

I'm going to defend, and criticize, BF.

Is he, perhaps, just not good at verbal communications? I mean, if my wife needed me to sing in order to express how much I appreciated her, I would die of embarassment because I would fail, and just end up being humiliated.

Not saying he shouldn't try, just that it might not actually be in his capacity. Is he literally the silent type? It isn't just inconvenience, if it's part of his personality.

Put another way, this may be way outside his comfort zone.

Now, to criticize him; if this is in fact the case, he needs to be able to tell you without being manipulative or angry or whatnot, and if that is the case, you both have to come to an agreement together. He can only give what he can give, and you can't really expect more than he can give.

Part of the discussion my wife and I have together and that we are working on; I'm a very gentle, romantic, and considerate lover, and she has expressed interest in a more aggressive one. It may be that I can give her many things, but she will need another lover to give her other things.

It kind of defeats the point of poly if you need the exact same things from multiple lovers. If A can give you verbal reassurance and B can give you affection and C can give you the spanking you want, you can't expect C to tell you everything special about you and have A give you extra cuddles and B to spank you at night.

At least, that's my understanding or poly!
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