I know it may sound silly, but could it work if you agreed to make an appointment for a 10 minute chat later in the day rather than each going up to the other person and saying "Here's my problem, let's talk now"? That way you'd both have a chance to emotionally prepare rather than taking it in turns to accidentally ambush each other.
That's pretty much all I wanted.
From my perspective of what being a good boyfriend meant - I needed to talk with her briefly, just to check in that she was calm again and ok to return to the group situation
From my perspective of my needs - I needed a hug. I felt hurt. I also needed a promise that we would talk about it properly when the time was right
I invited her outside for a chat and before I got to any of this she was stomping all over my insecurities saying she wasn't sure if she wanted to stay with me. I know I probably pushed too hard, too early but I have needs and insecurities too.