London - That last post you put... your therapists advice - that is the most brilliant advice I've ever heard. I'd love to build our communications around that.
But for me it's also important not to cast her out in the cold and say "these are your insecurities, deal with them". I want to support her; I want to hold her if she's upset, I want to be there for her to talk to, I care about her. I'd expect the reverse if I have insecurities...
Now, I've told her that the specific behaviour is making me feel insecure (namely throwing around us splitting up at the starting point of any conflict resolution attempt) - considering that I've told her this and I expect that support back, I'm quite hurt.
SC - I've loved your last couple of posts. You make some excellent points about communication and dealing with things, particularly about thinking things through and asking yourself "is this going to be something that moves us forwards?"
However - I do think all of you are still missing the crux of the argument we had tonight. It was essentially an argument about how we communicate and how we treat each others insecurities, it was nothing to do with J or anyone else.
I understand why she has so many insecurities; she has anxiety problems and has just moved to a new city for work, polyamory is new to her, we are still new, she has a lot going on with her family and is trying to get used to managing her existing relationship over long distance - no wonder her heads in a spin and I don't blame her!! What I want to do is support her and work on this so that we as a couple can make those steps forwards.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
Dragon_hide on Fetlife