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Old 11-18-2013, 06:49 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

Some people think it's just semantics, but I make a clear distinction between boundaries and rules.

Boundaries are about how I allow people to treat me.

Rules are about how I allow people to live their own lives.

I try to avoid rules. It's not my place to control the behaviour of others.

It's nonsensical to make a "boundary" that you can't date such-and-such a person. If you're going out, then whether you're going out on a date with a particular person or just going for drinks with your friends, that's not treatment towards S. If S isn't there, it can't be a boundary.

It's like saying "I have a boundary that Palestine and Israel need to stop fighting" when you live in the middle of Texas. It just doesn't make logical sense.

If you don't like the semantics, focus on the meanings. It's ok to tell people how to treat you. It's not ok to tell people how live their lives.

Saying that you can't date J is not a boundary, it's a veto. Before meeting J, did you and S discuss veto power? Did you agree to give her veto power over your other relationships? If you haven't, then she has no basis to tell you whom you can date. If you have, you can simply say "I retract my agreement to give you veto power."

Worst of all, to veto your entire dating pool just because she doesn't want to socialize with your other partners...

This has "blech" written all over it. Threatening to dump you every time she doesn't get her way is nothing but an adult temper tantrum. She could stop "considering" whether or not she wants to be in this relationship and make a decision one way or the other. Enough with the games.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 11-18-2013 at 06:52 AM.
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