Thread: Poly or alone
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Old 03-25-2010, 07:00 AM
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Justbeloving Justbeloving is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: West Michigan
Posts: 23
Default Poly or alone

Those are my choices. I've been married for 22 yrs 4 months. We've been separated for a while now and during this time he allowed me another relationship which I had to end because he was insecure and decided to use religious/moral beliefs to guilt and shame me. On top of that he betrayed me in the worst way possible (funny, after all his convictiousness concerning Gods word). Our marital issues and my coming to the realization that I am poly were parallel in time. One having nothing to do with the other but in my own confusion of my feelings, the guilt and shame of those feelings I attributed them to something else. Much heartache in the last 18 months. Desperate to be true to myself, wanting so much for him to understand me, to understand "this" and what it means. I have soo much love for him and more... needing to express it. We are bonded,period. The love will never fade away, yet he cannot accept who I am. Pining for the one who I love the most, for the one who I know loves me the most, to love and accept me for who/what I am.
I can deny within me what I've worked so hard to understand and accept, live as others expect me to, in a monogamous marraige. Or, embrace the knowledge, accept who I am and be alone. I very much feel that if I am to be true to myself it can only be with him. If I cannot be with him, I do not desire any other.
Stuck... hindered... oppressed... having much love to give.
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