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Old 11-17-2013, 07:03 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
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Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
Anyway, I had to get my head right in case... I think when you get involved with someone so young, you need to treat what they have to give as joy - but a joy that may be short-lived. They need to experience life, date around, may want to get married and have kids, may be poly themselves and keep you in their lives, but it's really not fair to them or to you to expect a long term partnership. (I am not saying it is impossible, just unlikely.)
I like that concept. He does give me joy and even if it'll be short term, I do want to be fair to him. He does want a relationship, but we have not discussed beyond continuing to see each other. There are things I prefer discussing in person and this will be one of them. To enjoy our time together and not put any expectations on it.

Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
Additionally, people that age are pretty wrapped up in themselves. Doesn't mean they don't want to be with you, just that whatever is going on right at the moment is going to have their total focus. At that age they really can't be wrapped up in what you need. In fact, he probably sees you as a confident woman with a lot going on her life, and doesn't realize he needs to validate your relationship in any way.
Yeah I'm sure he does. And I do think if I didn't have this whole thyroid thing going on, I wouldn't be so whacky about spending time with him. He did tell me he was concerned about my seeing him having an effect on my children {surprised me he thought about that at all). We talked a bit about it and I explained to him that DH and I have that figured out so the kids would not be lacking a parent at home. He also asked if he'd ever get to come to my place. I said that would depend on how we evolve and would be some time down the road, could be soon, could be later.

Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
As to your message to him...., I don't think it hurts to remind him about the time frame for the surgery (sorry you are having to deal with that, btw!),
Thank you. It's been in a "tumor" status for almost 3 years now. It'll be a relief to finally have it done and over with.

Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
but maybe a more casual statement. "The thyroid surgery is weighing on me. What does your schedule look like over the next three weeks? I'd love to see you a few times before then." This totally skips the scheduling issue. He may give you a schedule, but you won't come off sounding like you want to control his schedule.
That is perfect. I tend to be wordy and over say in these situations.

Thank you Bookbug for your perspective.
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