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Old 11-17-2013, 05:28 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
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Default you are right and i know, thank you

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Honestly, he's 22, if he's like any other 22 year old, he likely has very little idea what he wants....enjoys dating...may or may not want structure, but isn't likely to set it himself.

I"m not saying DON'T date him, but people truly do go through lots of changes between 20 and 30....I'd say more than any other period.

If you don't mind being flexible and understanding with him, though, I'd say go for it. You both seem to really like each other. Just know it'll likely be a lot of ups and downs with him, as he adjusts naturally to what he really wants, will be dating others, more or less seriously.

In other words, I'd have fun, but wouldn't count on him being there for you in ten years. Trying to force him to be part of your structure now will likely only scare him off and ruin the fun for both of you.

So, have fun
THANK YOU SO MUCH, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'VE NEEDED TO HEAR and not have it come from my husband.

The structure, I think he may not want due to being in the military. He already has so much structure from that. And his interest in me has to do with the assumption I'll have patience to understand his life. Which I do and I know I haven't been able to utilize recently. My side of it is I have surgery Dec 5th for possible thyroid cancer. I want as much time with him between now until then because I don't know how long my recovery will be, it just depends on if it is benign or not, and I may not be up to dating right away. I posted about it on my blog. I could be up and back at life within a few days, I could have to go back in for full removal of the thyroid if it is cancer....so in my personal life, I have a lot of unknowns going on.

Definitely a lot of ups and downs right now. And this weekend is his first off in 3 weeks. He is most definitely recouping and enjoying himself and going out (which I honestly think is awesome that he does, I was partying all the time at that age so I do not want to make him stop being who he is at all). I am willing to adjust my expectations and needs. I guess when he says he wants more than once I week, I jumped on that since I have only the opportunity for twice a week. I have realized he may want more than one time a week but in reality can only give that, not more.

I came into this knowing it'll be short term with him. He's military so there is every possibility any day he could get a transfer, even if he tells me his base is the "black hole" and he'll probably be here forever. Or that he could fall in love with some one else and realizes he's mono. Then there is the possibility he could have insecurities about dating a poly married woman. DH said he could also feel some jealousy that my time is limited too or that he doesn't get to wake up with me due to DH's work schedule on the weekend.

I so don't want to force him into my structure. When we decided to open ourselves to poly, I agreed to some flexible boundaries on dating that was very structured & had some rules applied to it. Now that DH is in NRE with MG, he asked me to allow our poly relationships to be fluid and grow as organically as they can, meaning utilize opportunities to see OSO's (other significant others) when it comes. So now I am finding my opportunities to be limited by DH's desires. Possibility DH and I need to re-address being able to date others at same time instead of different nights/days of the week. Guess I'm feeling confused not by just KW but DH as well.

I do like structure so I need to come to terms with that within myself and move forward.

I was thinking of texting this to him, but am holding off to chew on it and make sure it's not overly needy sounding or controlling:

"Hey you. I want to see you sooner than later. 3 Thursdays from now is my surgery {he is aware of this and the possibilities of the outcome since i have discussed with him}.

I'd like to have at least one "date" this week & next week. I only could on Mon or Tues surgery week.

I look forward to hearing from you today. I am having a lot of fun when we're together & would like some more of it before the 5th"

What does any one think about texting that to him? Is it too needy or should I just wait for him to text me first? I know I'm a grown woman and should be able to make this decision for myself. Dating is all new to me and with a young guy, not too sure how to not come off too strong.
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the muse (me) - 40's pansexual, female, poly, married 18 years, open & looking
bassman (was DH) - 40's male (blueeyeddevil), poly, father of our 3 children, my husband
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Last edited by alibabe_muse; 11-17-2013 at 05:33 PM.
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