Thread: Hmmm...Help?
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:25 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
The simplest thing I can think is not to label it. Just go on being in the relationship that you're in. It doesn't need to be named. You guys are happy and in a dynamic that works for you so why does it matter what they call it?

I agree.

Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
It just feels like we're lying if we don't label it as "poly", but.....I can understand what you mean.

Maybe we (my wife and I) are being too anal about it. LOL
Labels are for boxes. Boxes are for putting stuff in. A lot of people don't like being put in boxes.

The way you describe it, they don't seem ready to "deal" with the idea of being poly. They may not even "be" poly a priori, it could be that they actually are swingers but then they fell in love with you guys. If things end with you, they may return to a swinging lifestyle. By analogy, being in a homosexual relationship doesn't make you gay.

They may also not want the "burden" of another romantic relationship. As they have it now, they have a loving sexual friendship with you. Romantic relationships, once you admit that's what they are, become a lot of work and responsibility. It could be that between parenting and their marriage, they have their hands emotionally full.

I say enjoy what you have and forget about labelling them. It's not fair for people to go around labelling other people, we have to choose our own identities. If they've chosen to identify as swingers, it's not your place to re-label them. They're not packages and you're not UPS
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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