Originally Posted by pulliman
I can imagine there are some triads that are monogamous to the triad (i.e., closed, poly-fi). How do three people negotiate that moment? In a binary couple, someone might propose to someone else, or you have The Talk about exclusivity, or whatever it might be. How does a triad do that?
I ask these questions as I am thinking about the ever-tightening connections between WI, AM, and me. So far, so good, but it's nice to gain stories that others have experienced. I'm not sure we'll end up "monogamous" to the triad, but we're kind of headed there (with EL still a part of my life, long distance). Stories, advice, and insights would be great. Thanks!
Yeah, you've got your long distance gf, so what exactly is this poly fi idea you've got? You have 3 women you are romantic/sexual with... because I assume you and EL do have sex, either cybering or actual real time together? Or not?
Anyway, you know many Unicorn Hunter type couples have the idea of sharing a woman, moving her in, being poly fi from a very early stage of the relationship. It's usually quite obvious that this "need" comes from insecurity, lack of trust born of low self esteem, jealousy, fear of abandonment.
Indeed, in our mono culture at large, the idea of somehow formally committing to exclusivity is very common. But why? Same reasons. Also, breeding. A male wants to make sure the kids he might raise are his own genetic material.
What is YOUR motivation for wanting a formal declaration of exclusivity from your wife and gf? It's early days yet with the gf, isn't it? A few months of dating/having sex? What would be so terrible about your gf having another lover outside the triad? What if another woman caught your eye? After all, 3 already did...