Please Help! Boundary Issue
The short story is been married 15 year. Husband has GF who he sees once a week.
Sex parties are "big" part of GF life. About a year ago my husband and I nogoiated that he would not go to sex parties because they make me really uncomfortable.
We tonight is their night together. I asked were they were going (just casually) and he said a "play party." We decided that was cool because I am fine with SM..but it turns out it IS a sex party.
A couple of things:
1. I feel once again devistated because the GF went behind my back and invited him when she knows it's part of our boundaries. He went along with it, by just saying yes and not finding out where they were going.
2. She says that I am being controling but from reading 100s of posts here, it was my understanding that the primary partner is perfectly in their rights to nogiate what their partner can and can't do. For example, many people don't want their partner to KISS someone before meeting them...are my standards too high? Am I being controling?
3. They invited me (after it all came out) to attend the sex party. I am thinking of doing it so i know what it's like in reality versus my imagination. I am curious and very slightly turned on, but I have had bad experiences with friends doing meth and having orgies. I am also pretty sexually conservative. Frankly, I'm scared and grossed out to go...should I go?
4. GF says she feels secondary. But she wants him to herslef. Doesn't want to be friends with me or our kids...I guess she wants him once a week and as if he's single ie no boundaries or calls from me...
Any advice? The other issue is there is no communication between her and I .. only "she said" from husband. She doesn't WANT to communicate with me. I told husband why didn't they just come to me and talk. Even if I said no, at least we were communicating. But, she prefers to sneak...
Please help for a confused friend!