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Old 11-16-2013, 04:47 AM
Hmm Hmm is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 57

Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Someone below mentioned pressures of being one person's everything, fulfilling all needs.

Absolutely. I actually very much dislike being the only source of ANYTHING for a person, intimacy, emotional support, friendship, drinking partner, etc It's what makes me think I'm suited to poly; I don't get jealous, I feel relieved. Plus I tend towards family style poly, so I'm involved, on some level with all partners.
I definitely agree with you. The pressure to be each other's everything was pretty much what split us apart. I mean, combined with both of our mutual doormattish gentleness with each other and whatnot. In ways we were both afraid to say things that would be too harsh, but when it comes down to it, when we do, I feel like that's when we're at our closest. Unafraid, unabashedly speaking our hearts, free from guilt and whatnot. (I know this isn't meant to be a general relationship board, if that irks anyone I apologise (see it was that same guilt which we'd keep having! Curses, it comes back again)) Anyway, I think it's a cathartic thing even though it tends to end in tears for us >.> we started to explore BDSM sexually and I think it's the same idea. Being totally unhingedly honest even when it involves anger or dismay, with love, it turns incredibly cathartic for us. It tends to involve tears, but I think they're of healing.

It's been a pretty intense emotional rollercoaster for me, lots of ups and downs and returning to different perspectives. Just last night we had a long-overdue frank, honest kinda conversation and I feel tons better. There were things I was pissed off about between us that I just wasn't being honest about, and when I told her, she was hurt but finally opened up about some things she wasn't telling me (out of fear for hurting me, ironically having the reverse effect) and then we both just, said it all. It was about damn time! And at the end of it I told her I need space to move on. She's young and so am I, she wasn't ready for marriage and honestly, neither am I. Just lots of uncommunicated fears and anxieties and feelings finally came out and finally got us closer again. She's a fantastic friend and I'm remaking it my mission to test the waters more and see where life takes us. As we're thicker than thieves, I can't imagine we'll be far apart. My libido is refreshed some now that the baggage was sorted through and I feel good.

We both needed space and badly. She's probably going the more conservative route (good luck and power to 'er) dating one boy at a time, and I'm...well, still exploring and whatnot Not taking shit, bending over backwards, or denying I'm angry are huge to-do's to keep myself honest and in check.

Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
I understand being attracted to the lifestyle and fascinated....and while I won't say you AREN'T...I WILL say that fascination with it, doesn't mean poly is your thing. I'm fascinated by some of the darker aspects of BDSM....doesn't mean I'd actually be happy in the lifestyle.
That's a fair analogy. I'd think however that BDSM is different in that it can get increasingly more extreme for added pain and pleasure, even beyond the realm of physical possibility. Leaving polyamory to the imagination is something like dreaming of a life one isn't living... you know? They seem like different kinds of fantasies to me. Anyways...

I guess the moral of all of this is youth is wasted on the youthful, haha.
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