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Old 11-16-2013, 03:51 AM
Norwegianpoly Norwegianpoly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Norway
Posts: 607

Originally Posted by Spock View Post
Also, it has occurred to me that you aren't supposed to validate him. You're just supposed to be honest, caring, supportive, and loving, and your emotional response appears to be dishonest, uncaring, and hurtful, which might be easier but is in now way going to help him.

You want him to feel secure and loved? Then tell him that you aren't using him and figure out your own feelings because it's not going to help him, or your relationship, if your first reaction is to hurt him by shutting him out.
I belive I am honest, caring, supportive and loving, although he is the judge of how well I succed in showing those qualities the way he prefers them. All the things I have written there are things I did not say to thim, I did not even show him I was confused and sad, because he was already very emerged in this thoughts as well as tired. I told him I am not using him, that I love him very much and that I fell for him even before he kissed me the first time, all of which is true. My first reaction is to keep things by myself, talk to others that might help *doing it right now, and will talk to my husband before I go to sleep* and write in my journal. My second reaction of anger I guess is sort of me - in my head - trying to get back at him for getting me "emotional" (that was what I told him about how his question made me feel). I thanked him for asking me the question, because no matter how bad it is, I would still rather he share his thoughts with me, because I love him and want to get to know him a little more each day.
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