Originally Posted by Mark1npt
For me, it was developing a tremendous bond with a long term friend over 20 years, eventually moving into realizing my heart had enlarged and was certainly capable of embracing the poly life. The sexual act of making love, only sealed the deal. For others I'm sure it happens quickly.
It does happen in different ways.... for mono and I it was instant love... under a week and I broke all my poly "getting to know them" rules and my very patient husband was meeting him and faced with me wanting to stay over... wow, when I think back! what a trusting and wonderfully grounded and compersion filled man to be able to go through what he did!
With my intimate friend that I share with my husband it has been very different. We knew him before we were married and were all friends who met together. I dated his now wife for a bit and we raised our babies together. Now that they are all 6 year old babies, we have discovered it's time to achieve what we always knew would happen and that is to start a sexual relationship based on mutual interest in kink and bisexuality (well for the men anyways). We all love and care for each other deeply because of our shared history and trust in a life time friendship. The love is not as deep as I have for mono by any stretch, but it is full bodied and comfortable. It makes sense and our friendship was sealed by becoming sexual.
I have learned a great deal in the last months in regards to definitions of poly.... I think the biggest has been how much sex seals a relationship for me and how I should not take this lightly. To me the definition rides heavily on the level of commitment that comes with sharing ones body with another and respecting that commitment and the sacredness of it.... I won't be giving myself away so easily now that I am certain of poly's definition for me... my body is a mystery and is sacred. I am committing to myself that I will only share it with those that are worthy and who will respect and cherish me through their love. I have given so much under the definition of poly that is one of "free love" (swinging, open), and I am now taking back what I have given to make myself whole again. Now I am living my poly life in a new way, full of chosen family, passion, caring and commitment, and am certain that it is right for me and my loves.