Still new, and want to start my own blog, but reading your few posts...
Are you depressed? Are you being treated for it? You sound like your life (work, dad, self image, love, lover) is totally unbalanced right now and I don't know how you can address one (love and lover) when the others push them out of the way.
It especially struck home when you wrote about your lack of desire for sex. My wife and I struggled with that for a couple years, but mostly it was a symptom of how much stress she was under.
I get horny when I'm stressed. She feels less receptive. That of course leads to some conflict.
You are very brave and you understand the concept of ownership it seems, but it extends well beyond feelings. You own your life, your body, your health, and no one else can do it for you.