I'm the wife. Hi everyone and thank you for being so willing to listen and share your thoughts and experiences with us
I don't know how much I can clarify right now as I am still trying to process my own feelings.
Several months ago I started to meet men through work who were very much my "type" and I went out and found myself flirting a lot and eventually developed feelings for someone. I didn't understand why I felt that way because up until that point I had wanted to be with either Spock, my family, or alone.
When the person I had feelings for told me that he didn't have the energy to be in a poly relationship and he would rather be friends, I wanted to respect that and learn how to be his friend without making him uncomfortable. It's something I am still working on and I don't know how it will turn out because I don't think I necessarily have the skills or the personality for it.
Like Spock, I can be very intense. We were intensely focused on each other for the last ten years. I want to maintain the intimacy we have. I have tried to share every part of myself with him and lately, maybe the last two years, I feel like I don't have anything worthwhile left to share.
When I shared my feelings for my new friend, Spock became involved in learning about poly with me and befriended my crush so that we could both get to know him better. They have responded positively. For me it is bittersweet watching them interact because at least I can see him a little more often, and I am glad my husband is making a friend. I must have good taste. :P
But I don't want to be sad over it, so I am trying to figure out if pursuing relationships is what I want, or finding a lover outside of our marriage, or if it was really that I met someone who could be particularly dear to me and it just messed with my head, or something else. And I am dragging my husband along for the ride, and I worry that no matter what I do we will both end up unhappy and facing an impasse.