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Old 11-15-2013, 04:59 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,579

Originally Posted by Spock View Post
I'm not really an extrovert not a social person, ironically. I'm intensely attached and an introvert, meaning I pick very few close friends and dedicate a lot of attention to them. I don't want to misrepresent the situation.

So therein lies my disappointment; I have no one to share any of this with, and I can't really talk to my wife:
1) That would be monopolizing her time
2) She would feel attacked
3) She can't help because the times I need to talk, she is already out

Just being on this board, reading about others dealing with their emotions, getting people talking to me, and knowing I'm not alone has lifted a tremendous amount if the burden from my shoulders.
I hear ya. I'm an introvert too.

From what you said, it seems like you are not really hankering for a relationship per se but intimacy. You have focused all of your intimacy needs on your wife - which indeed is part of the mainstream model of marriage. But that intimacy can come from lots of different types of relationships - it does not have to be a romantic or sexual connection. See if your close friends would be open to talking with you about this. And if they are not, or if the risks of disclosure would be too great, I strongly suggest to you to go on a mission of finding a few more close, intimate friends.

Finding a close friend, particularly for an introvert, is a long term process that is generally not fast. You have to get out there and meet people - most of whom will not become a acquaintance, much less a good deep friendship. It's a bit like dating - you have to put into the time to get yourself out there so you have the opportunity to meet people you may click with. I'm working on this myself. Honestly it's kind of annoying. I keep reminding myself that it will be worth it in the long run.

Good luck!
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