Originally Posted by pulliman
Laughing - we got THAT. Chance, sheer dumb luck, totally improbably events: two of three people totally going against their life-long principles, and the one poly member of the crew minding his own business while the other two just up and took off..
What I'm asking about is some of the nuts and bolts of what happened next, from others who have been down this path...
Thanks for replying! (also thanks to inyourendo, where the same answer sort of applies...)
You sound like an engineer
There are no nuts and bolts. Too many variables. You have multiple personalities, multiple interpersonal relationships, and multiple outside influences.
The gist of great poly relationships are also what make up good mono ones. Trust, communication and a solid foundation of all the good things.
I found "unicorns" in bars, at work, on the mountain.. it started with fun talking, usually flirting and then it progressed. My wife is a big flirt and that always helped.
I have to end it there since, my relationships usually end at sex. I rarely built or build relationships from the friendship level. For me, its a raw consuming need to fuck someone, and it evolves from there. Thats going back to my teenage years. Love for me develops from lust.. otherwise, its friendship
.. (fortunately I do lust after some of my friends)
The big thing in any configuration is don't expect all things to be equal. They can't be. a nice skewed scalene triangle is probably the best you can do long term. Expectations can create resentment so its a potential nut to watch out for.
Speaking from a quad.. there was no negotiation moment. We just don't have a lot of expectations of what makes up a quad. So the interrelationships are always shifting and adjusting. We don't have set rules beyond respect your partners. Since we all have the same definition of respect, and what that generally means, we don't blow through peoples expectations. This method works exceptionally well for us..
Good luck.. sometimes I miss being out there as a couple.. it was an enjoyable experience haha.. (for the record sometimes I miss being single too.. so its all relative haha)