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Old 11-15-2013, 05:42 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Re: love, scarcity, and abundance ... it's really rather simple. Traditional monogamists believe that the supply of romantic love is finite, but polyamorists believe that the supply of romantic love is infinite. If A can at least consider the poly way of viewing this, it might take him one small step closer towards making peace with polyamory. If he can't then alas you'll have to try to agree to disagree, and then just reassure him through your expressions of loving words and loving actions. Anytime he can state his needs to you, that would probably also help. At the least, it'd give you a better idea of whether to share or separate paths in life.

Do grant A that time is *not* an infinite resource, certainly not for mortals, so yes you are asking him to sacrifice something a monogamist paired with another monogamist (assuming there's no affairs) never has to sacrifice: part of their partner's extracurricular time allotment. So you should show A appreciation for that sacrifice that he's making for you.

Re: FullofLove1052's post ... good stuff; good info; good perspective. Take her advice to heart and you'll do well.

Kevin T.

P.S. My basic views on PIV can be found where I posted on October 29. Anyone is welcome to review that if it will ease any misunderstandings. I posted again so as to clarify on November 4. Again, welcome for review there, it speaks for itself.

In hopes of better, more complete clarification: It's quite easy for me to imagine why many people get more pleasure/intimacy from oral favors than from PIV.

To explain myself: I don't think A owns PolyMC at all, even if he feels/wishes/thinks he does. Any "permission" solicited of him would be pure indulgence on PolyMC's part (to ease his possible feelings of everything he ever knew or was taught falling apart on him). Don't need permission, don't even need an agreement. You make your choices and if your relationship with A still weathers his own storm then great. Obviously he needs to learn to trust you.

I'm all about the emotional landscape at hand and have no problem agreeing to addressing that before bothering with sex, and to the reality that sex often has no part in a particular poly relationship. Usually romance does, but some even disagree with that (which is too semantic for my blood but that's way off-topic). I certainly get that the emotional obstacles are the crux of the problem for PolyMC (and A).

It seems to me that PIV has been discussed at length in this thread already, so if we're now moving past it (and PolyMC is too), then I'll belabor it no further. If someone has further questions I should answer about it, let me know and I'll do my best.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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