Originally Posted by Spock
I'm the husband in a loving relationship. My wife has recently confessed she wants more, a lover, a boyfriend, and a second husband.
How is everyone? I'm struggling because, as a man, it is a lot more difficult for me to find other partners than she can, and so have to deal with staying home alone while she is out on dates. There is some jealousy there, but she has offered to help me review my OKC profile to see if that helps.
The current person she is starting to date has offered to find us/me a fourth to make it easier, but I'm worried its temporary and I'll be back to trying to find a date while she is having fun.
Of course she has mentioned I'm totally invited to the dates because she really wants to be with two men at once, so there is that.
The difficulty really is really that she is driving this, so is more motivated than I am. Can anyone just talk me through this if you've been there and done that?
Welcome to the forum. You should read around a bit - it may be you can learn a lot from the experiences of others, already recorded here.
Could you clarify a few things?
- You say your wife "confessed she wants more." How much did you talk about what "more" might look like? Did you actually, explicitly agree that she could date other guys? Or did she just dive in and start, just because it's what she wanted?
(You say she is "driving this" . . . but you are involved in it, and your wants and needs and -most important - judgment and choice should matter, too.)
- Do you really want or need or choose to pursue another relationship on your own account, or are you doing it just so you won't be on your own while your wife is out with other guys?
- Being with two men may be your wife's fantasy, but is being with a man and a woman - or any two other people - your fantasy? Do you consider yourself bound to fulfilling your wife's fantasy?
It's hard to say much without knowing your answers to these - and other! - questions, but I have to say my first instinct is to say that, even though she's driving, the emergency brake is in reach. At the very least, you may need to slow the heck down and really talk through the implications of what's happening now.
As for whether it's really more difficult for men or for women to find other partners, well, that's a matter of some debate on the forum. You'll find whole, long threads about it. I'm agnostic on the question, myself.