View Single Post
Old 11-15-2013, 12:16 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

Originally Posted by shinrei View Post
I've had the idea to suggest to her that maybe she could stop seeing her other partners for a little while until I feel more whole myself, and we could restrengthen our own bond. I don't know if this is fair or not, but I so overwhelmingly feel that this is what I would need. I know I need to work on myself and feeling better, but it's so damn hard when I can't stop free flow of neurotic thoughts about her sleeping with other people.

What does anyone think about this? Would I be unreasonable to ask that she take a break for a couple of months for just for me?
There's nothing unfair or unreasonable about asking for something that you believe would help you. It would only be unfair if you were to manipulate or try to force her to your will. But making a request and allowing her the make the choice for herself is completely fair.

In other words, there's a huge difference between requesting and demanding. It's fair to request. It's not fair to demand. Upon requesting, it's fair for her to agree, and it's fair for her to not agree.

One concern, though, is that depression usually isn't a "ok, that's fixed, let's never go there again" kind of thing. You'll have good times, you'll have bad times. But combining a bad time with getting your footing on polyamory can make both extra challenging. All I'm saying is that be aware that while you may ask for it for now, and she may acquiesce, don't expect her to stop dating every time your depression flares up.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
Reply With Quote