I'm a little confused about when you were trying to let other people in. Is this just since the break-up? It seems that the mourning period would be far to fresh for you to be ready to let new people in before you've healed from the last one.
Comparing polyamory to being someone's one and only... apples and oranges. Both delicious in their own right, assuming you like apples and/or oranges. Some people are inclined towards monogamy, so for them, being someone's one and only is a great feeling. For me, it's too much pressure. It requires me to single-handedly meet 100% of their sexual and emotional needs and desires.
I do believe that each relationship should be fulfilling in its own right, but I also enjoy the... convenience... of relying on some people more for fulfilling some needs, and others for others. For example, Auto is very empathic, always knows when something is wrong, and can listen objectively without trying to fix the problem. Gralson is a typical male problem-solver. Whenever I go to him for emotional support, he just tries to fix it, even when it's not his problem to fix. I used to go to my mom for what I now get from Auto, but my mom would just go into pity mode and then I'd end up reassuring her
that my life wasn't completely awful, I was just having this one problem.
Originally Posted by Hmm
I could try and make objective judgments about us where I put ourselves down, but I'm not going to.
If you're deliberately putting yourselves down, is it really objective? Or just the subjectivity pendulum swinging too far the other way?