Something I posted in another thread:
Originally Posted by nycindie
. . . "unicorn hunters" is a phrase that means a couple is looking for something mythical that doesn't exist. So, just because a bi woman is, or has been, in a triad doesn't mean she is a unicorn - to call her that doesn't make sense. If she exists, she isn't a unicorn! It isn't a triad, per se, that is mythical. The mythical creature is used to describe the unrealistic fantasies of the unicorn-hunting couple, not the relationship configuration nor the actual woman herself.
To that, BorinGuy responded:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy
I'm quoting this. Nobody will read it though. People will still think "unicorn " is a term of endearment and that "unicorn hunters" are misunderstood victims of victim-blaming.
In a different thread, AutumnalTone posted this:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
You're coming at it backwards, though. The actual term is "unicorn hunters" and refers to the *couple* with unrealistic expectations. A woman is only thus a "unicorn" by dint of being sought by said couple.
As far as the term "unicorn hunters" being derogatory..I agree that it is, to a degree. I also think it is *rightly* derogatory, as what it describes is not a healthy situation. The presence and use of such a term provides notice to those to whom it may apply that they are best off examining their motivations and expectations to have a good chance of success with multiple relationships.
The term is not applied to all situations and relationships--at least, not by anybody who is at all knowledgeable about the term. I know folks who are interested by the prospect of "finding a third" and who most definitely are *not* unicorn hunters.
. . . you're positing that the term is aimed at the "unicorn" and that it is applied indiscriminately. Neither of those are true.
Just thought I'd toss these into the mix.
Also, here are some juicy old threads on the topic, if anyone wants to spend some time reading:
OPP, unicorns, and derogatory poly terminology
Do I qualify as a unicorn hunter?
What's in it for a unicorn?
Single ladies, using the term "unicorn"