Welcome Erischild !
I enjoyed reading your post! It sounds like you are in a good place and ready to treat yourself !!
I have struggled in my life with the need to control things....not only myself, but everyone around me. In the process of learning how to let go, I have come to realize that the only thing I can control is how I react and/or respond to the circumstances that are presented to me on a daily basis. But how do I respond to each circumstance? Well, that depends on what I want.
So- knowing what I value and having a vision of what I want is the most important thing first of all. Allowing myself to define a vision for myself- any vision - has been so important for me. I see you doing that.
Hoping to hear more from you!!