I'm really pleasantly surprised about the support and sense of happiness and camaraderie in the posts I've read. I've had a very, very rough weekend and this is nice and reassuring to hear from everyone. Alas, I've decided if poly has to keep me from my ex, then I'd gladly give up that opportunity. I am still young and for my age, especially so, it feels like. It's a godsend that after the breakup, my ex and I still agreed to be best friends and are willing to make an effort to talk this out. I'm a mess of a man, but am doing my best keeping it together right now. I feel like a pathetic, spineless little jellyfish but am counting my blessings and taking one step at a time, staying positive and keeping cool. I could try and make objective judgments about us where I put ourselves down, but I'm not going to. This is how it's going to be, damn it, it feels right and I can't deny it. Today, right now, the structure of the relationship I couldn't give a damn about, she's the one. Maybe, maybe, not counting on it, but perhaps someday in our improved confidence and trust this kind of discussion can emerge. But I'm not going to get ahead of myself. I want to spend my days thankful I have any of her at all, and not take the love I have for granted, ever if I can.
Thank you all for your caring, genuine responses. I appreciate them all.