I feel completely devoid of any sense of play, safety or desire to have sex. Nothing feels fun, I can't imagine what might be fun. I can't concentrate, I go to work and obsess on this forum. Someone else, I might wonder if they are depressed. Theoretically my depression has been treated. But there are so many other things I could do to feel better: exercise, clean up my food, put myself on a more consistent work schedule, go to more meetings, not sacrifice the things I love when I'm not asked to, meditate, reconnect spiritually. Why is it when you most need to act for yourself, that is when it's most difficult? And if I'm in a D/s relationship why does it fall all to me to make it all happen. I thought the deal was that he takes some of that responsibility to get me back on track.
Otherwise its all sacrifice and no benefit.
Maybe this is why I don't work from home - any emotional disturbance I ruminate on it instead of working.
Me: mono, 52, serving S in a PE relationship for six years, living together since April 2012
S: has been poly since he can remember, 37
A: His new girl, under consideration