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Old 11-13-2013, 02:44 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
And this is the kind of overloading of the term which does not belong....

The Unicorn term is used outside the poly world, through the swinging realm, and possibly some areas of the BDSM community.
II, are you a swinger? Did you hunt Unicorns in the swinging world? Have sex with them and your female partner, or know people who did? I don't swing, but, I imagine 3way sex (FMF) is fairly common. So, a woman willing to engage in a 3way sex sesssion wouldn't be that rare and wouldn't really be a Unicorn.

It doesn't belong exclusively to the poly community to redefine along a particular political agenda.
"Political?" I hate politics. I just want to warn people away from being and seeking a woman that doesn't exist, given the definition above. I don't want couples to be foolish and deluded (like my ex husband and I were), and I don't want Unicorns to be hurt (as I hurt my husband's gf when she wasn't interested in me romantically).

The common factor of the definitions basically comes down to the bi female who is willing to engage with couples. Period, End, Stop. That's the only factor that plays into the rarity paradigm, because everyone is looking for one, yet few if any ever seem to find one.
"Engage?" You mean sexually? Then it's not polyamory, it's just polyfuckery. Engage romantically, sexually, domestically, etc.-- that is the way I define it for the purposes of discussion on a poly board. We aren't a swingers board. If someone comes here from the swinging world, thinking they can get a HBB, or be a HBB in the poly world, they will see the concept here has more ramifications than just hot 3way sex. As in the thread you locked, the Unicorn was expected not just to "engage" with a couple, but to only have 3way dates and sex, never be in a dyad, and also miss out on much of the discussion her couple were having behind her back (a factor of "couple privilege.")

All this other nonsense about a unicorn being rare because they're somehow willing to give up their adult rights or to enjoy being an indentured sex slave, etc. is specific only to a few area's of the poly blogging sphere from some particular individuals with an axe to grind.
Let me just say "axe to grind" seems a rather offensive way to put it, when we are just up to here with unsuccessful Unicorn Hunters and their unwitting prey. Don't call them Unicorns if YOU don't want to. I happen to think it does some good to have a term for it. Expanding the definition from merely "a woman willing to engage with a couple" to "a woman who is a hot bi babe who probably will get the short end of the stick in a relationship with a committed couple," seems perfectly fine to me. I don't understand why you are so angry about it.

Frankly doesn't do the community as a whole any service, as it's been mostly a drive to chastise and alienate a wide swath of people in or coming into poly from the monostream world.
Is that so? Do you mean we've driven Unicorn Hunters away from this board and back to Craigslist, or swinging, or *gasp* to getting therapy and working on their issues, or becoming monogamous, or splitting up? Well, if an explanation about why Unicorn Hunting and trapping and catching and engaging often turns rather abusive is enough to turn away a couple from polyamory altogether, were they really poly to begin with? Do we just placate them and tell them to go on with their noble quest? Or is it OK we tell them the pitfalls of searching for this woman without calling her a Unicorn, in your opinion?

Now, if we want to look at patriarchal overtones in things like OPP's, Unicorn hunting patterns, and lopsided relationship agreements, then there might be a basis for these issues in that discussion, because most of them are vestiges of the over-ridding patriarchal systems prevalent in the western world.
But they are not part of the Unicorn definition.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years

Last edited by Magdlyn; 11-13-2013 at 02:47 PM.
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