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Old 07-03-2009, 07:01 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
Singles, on the other hand, are free to sleep around and have multiple relationships all the time. There are no concrete ties to anyone. To many poly people, having many lovers vs. many loves are two completely different things.

Thank you very much for a thoughtful reply, but I still have some issues here. Why is it assumed that I as a single person would be seeking relationships to sleep around? Why is it assumed that I am only looking for lovers and not loves?

Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
I would think you must first have one deep love in your life. One committment, therefore you are a couple, first. After that, may come the true poly aspect of your life.
So basically you're saying that in order to be poly, I have to first be monogamous? This doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps if what you want is a primary relationship with secondary partners, this might work, but my point is that this model then starts regarding single people as accessories to a primary relationship.

My frustration has more to do with many poly communities that are couple-centric and have only limited roles for single people, and these communities tending to assume that single people are either "just sleeping around", "not really commitment minded" or not really poly. It has seriously surprised me to see such closed-mindedness in these communities.

Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
I applaud that you are single and already know how you are and how you want to live your life, that is if you are really talking poly and not just being in an open relationship.
I know that many people have many different definitions of what it means to be poly, so I'm not sure how you're differentiating "really talking poly" vs. "just being in an open relationship". The earlier model you suggested where one should bond with a primary partner, then open up seems to fit the "open relationship" definition for me, since the primary relationship remains primary.

Also, I don't regard any one model as superior or inferior to any other, since different models suit different people. But I have to say that in many of the communities I've encountered, many couples tend to have a sense of entitlement about how they bring outside people into "their" relationship. And that tends to keep the single people who may get involved at an inherent disadvantage.
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