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Old 11-12-2013, 07:00 PM
Shipwrecked Shipwrecked is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 11

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
The strongest evidence against your claim is all the poly folk you dated who became primaries with others.
I don't mean to be difficult, but I'm just not following this. Poly folks are already only a very small percentage of the population, at any age. But that percentage gets smaller as they age, since it's reasonable to assume more people transfer from polyamory to monogamy than from monogamy to polyamory. This phenomenon then gets compounded by the fact that the more people you have already dated in the poly pool, the smaller that pool is from your perspective.

From there, the longer you stay in polyamory the less of a chance you have to successfully date people who have never been poly but are somehow currently still single, due to how repugnant most of the never-been-poly population finds polyamory. Of course you can lie and recharacterize your earlier relationships as serial monogamy rather than polyamory, but that's only possible if you so completely purge your social life that you're no longer even acquaintances with someone who knew you when you were polyamorous, and it also means systematically purging all of your old mementos and emails from what was probably a substantial portion of your life. Plus, obviously, it's lying, which is probably never ideal even when it's done to level the playing field against a prejudice.

So, as you age in the poly community, you get both decreased odds AND increased lock-in. Not a good combination

FWIW the last person I dated broke up with me (by text message no less) after realizing she couldn't be with someone who USED to be polyamorous. This, despite the fact that I'd assured her from our earliest conversations that I was no longer polyamorous and furthermore now deeply regretted my past participation in polyamory.

I wish I could find a source for the feeling of limitless freedom many of you have described as flowing from polyamory, because now all I can feel, in addition to feeling lonely, is feeling trapped.
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