Talk, talk, talk!
I'm so happy this thread is active. Thanks to all. I am in a new relationship with a couple who live in another state. We just had an unbelievably intense 5 days together. We are all new to poly, but they are experienced BDSM practitioners. She (M)is one of the best communicators I've met so, I'm learning loads from her.
Here at home, I've been exploring my sub side for about 6 months, with another beautiful man, a beginner like me. I have often felt ready to call it off with him because he did not seem to be a good communicator. Then I discussed it with M and she gave me some really practical hints and observations about how to talk to my dom. It was magic! Really, it's like he sensed the change in me (I had opened up to him about being in love and the poly element).
He tracked me down one day (not usual for him at all) and we ended up talking for over an hour ...1/2 of it him...I swear! Two days later when he topped me it was just INCREDIBLE. We took it to a whole new level. The talking is so important to me. I went deep into sub space and came many many times in the 3-4 hours we were together. He is a sensitive creative top and I feel so lucky to be playing with him.
It similar with him to what DARKSILENCE wrote. He doesn't read or study. M suggested highlighting a book that I really find important... a very minimal amount so he doesn't feel overwhelmed. Then after he reads it, to do some more in a different color. I'm working on The New Topping Book now. (I love everything Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy write.) Plus, I'm learning loads myself. (I'm also reading their The New Bottoming Book.)