I just wanted to say that I had been very apprehensive about bringing up this topic and am so have found so many people who make both Poly and BDSM relationships work! It is very encouraging.
I am the sub to my partner's Dom and we are slowing working to find where our balance is. It is strange though, for me, because I have been very active in my BDSM involvement since I found my interest in it as a teen. I read and discuss and learn, I want to do everything I can to be the best sub I can be. For him on the other hand, this is his first time taking a full on Dom role. (I've introduced him to so much, its great seeing him become comfortable with parts of himself idon't think he even acknowledged before) He doesn't read or research online - I find this frustrating at times because, I guess I want everything now. *blushes* I'm not good at waiting. He says he wants our D/s relationship to be organic and to grow on its own, that he is not interested in what other people do because they are not us. I can respect this, but I very much struggle to understand it.
In saying that, our relationship is growing and changing every day. Even this weekend something has changed in him which has caused him to be stricter with me - something I am loving (he's given me the nickname mischief, something I'm not sure i like so much!). It makes me feel even closer to him. I am sure I just need to hang fire and let him go at his own pace, it is hard sometimes tho.
wow, I've shared more with you than i have with any of the BDSM websites I hang out on. a testament to how welcoming and open everyone here is. Thank you for that.
I think someone upthread said that the website they encountered seemed to be mostly discussing the upcoming clubs/play parties. while the site I use is mostly UK based, there are a lot of good topics about BDSM in general that i imagine would be helpful/interesting to people on both sides of the pond. www.InformedConsent.com
clubs/parties threads do make an occasional appearance, especially at the beginning of the month but I do feel they are in the minority. I hope it is helpful to some. Also, there is a web comic www.Collar6.com
and a great forum/web chat community has grown around it that I have become quite fond of. we never speak of clubs or play events because we're none of us in the same place!