Thread: Poor outlook
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Old 11-12-2013, 04:28 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,271

Our relationship hasn't had much time to really have a solid foundation though. We don't have answers for our relationship yet he wants to open another one with a woman I'm uncomfortable with.
I want to be in a spot where I am more secure in our relationship before branching into new ones when we don't even have answers for our own.
We're still figuring out the foundations of our relationship so I don't really have that added sense of security.
I notice that you have brought a variation of that theme up several times.

Could ask him simply --
"If you move on to date this woman concurrently, what time/behaviors will you be applying toward me/our relationship to help stabilize it during transition/NRE so I can feel emotionally safe during a time of changes? It isn't like we've done this before or have clocked mega history together to help offset yuck feelings. What kind of support/nurture can I expect from you?"

Then see if his answer helps give you the reassurance/confidence you need to be willing to risk it. If his answer is "meh" and you still don't feel reasurred or good about it?

Could make him aware of how you feel and ask if he's willing to meet your needs. Do not withold information from your partner. You don't seem to be saying NO... you seem to be saying GO SLOW.

You could tell him you aren't going to stop him seeing her, but you want to step back.

If that means not being around them when it is their time together, or leaving the entire polyship, or something in between to give you more time to adjust while giving them reassurance you are not foot dragging -- that's up to you all to determine the HOW of it.

But begins with your WILLING to participate in this polyship with him as a hinge or your NOT WILLING to participate to participate in this polyship.

YOU can choose that yourself.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-12-2013 at 04:41 AM.
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