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Old 11-12-2013, 02:12 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default one of "the ones"

of course you can love many, sex is not the most involved way to be a part of a person's life. However you feel relationships and their exact dynamics leave you content is how it is. I would be careful defining how your relationship dynamic works by contrasting it with someone else's ideas.

Some people have a one and only, and some people have several ones that they feel are their "onlys" and however it works for you is the way it works. The problem with defining your relationships to not be what works for someone if you make it a point to let every one of your partners know that they definitely are not one of your "ones".

Most people don't like being made to feel that they are not special, and if one of your girlfriends doesn't like being made to feel not special, you might want to focus on how much they mean to you rather than focusing on the fact that they are not any more important than some random person.

And don't ever treat them worse then some random person (for example some people read through their lovers email without their permission, if it would piss off some stranger to read their private email and then post trying to "teach" them lessons, don't do it to your girlfriends or metamours without their permission) Some people like being fucked, some people like more loving enter actions

In a perfect world, a well adjusted partner won't ever need you treating them special ever, and they will understand you love them just as much as some random person. But realistically people like to be treated like they matter, which unfortunately means like they matter most.

So remember there is a world of difference between feeling just as important as your metamour and feeling second most important. If you find yourself behaving in ways that teach them they aren't any more important than someone else as opposed to showing each of them they are important, your might want to rethink your strategy or get advice from someone else because those are two different things completely -- even though the difference is extremely subtle and technically just semantics -- things could go south fast.

I wouldn't be too worried over whether or not you fucked up, things always seem magnified when they are happening it's not unusual for break ups to feel like a mistake. Years from now with the benefit of hindsight, you may even feel lucky that you aren't still in the relationship or friendship with that person. Sometimes relationships can be poisonous due to the dynamic of no boundaries and lack of respect, sometimes even from those you aren't directly connected to, but indirectly connected through her. Poly dynamics are like that sometimes

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 11-12-2013 at 02:20 AM.
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