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Old 11-11-2013, 06:55 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Originally Posted by Polywife12 View Post
I feel like sometimes it was his grand plan to fuck my life up, but then again you'd have to know B LOL. Although, I'm sure it really wasn't. It just seems awfully inconsiderate of him to do this an not have to see what I'm going through as a result. The reason I say that is because he was going through this custody battle and other issues when we got reconnected and he knew that I was still involved with the swing world. Maybe he thought it could work and then realized it wouldn't. Although, I do not agree with him. He got full custody of his children but there are still some other legal issues possibly pending due to a bad divorce which I do not think is final. I think he's probably not in a place to give me what he'd hoped to give me and realizes he needs to have a real life with someone who isn't involved with swinging.....but then again IDK? He's told me very little that would make sense about why he's ended our relationship and to me it seems more like paranoia. I can't prevent his feelings but for him to start things up again and walk away without any real issue is hard for me to handle. I just try to keep trusting what he's said that he needs to be there for his kids and somehow I can cause a problem for him?????? This is why I want to blame him. But he's also said what you said below:

So if I'm a real friend I wouldn't be trying to negotiate and just understand where he's coming from. The problem is I don't understand completely and I have lost a lot because of my love for him. I feel that I don't want to place any burden's on him but I do not feel he's completely justified himself and I don't know if he can since it's regarding leagal issues. There is no promise of any future with him. He says after 6 years go by his life is his own again. So I said see ya in six years LOL....but that was it. He says he wants to be friends and he'll always love me but he hasn't picked up the phone or tried to reach out in any way. This hurts the most. When I confront him about not reaching out he says he just doesn't want me to get crazy I don't know if I should reach out to him and tell him what's going on with me? I want to be supportive but I feel like things are probably ok for him and he's just over reacting
In my case, E is very logical and has always acted solely upon his logic - until the divorce. He has overwhelming emotions that he can't always identify - exactly what they are or why he is having them - but they do tend to fall in the fear and paranoia category. He has found himself forced to give them credence in spite of the fact that at times they don't make sense. If he doesn't, then they intensify.

Most people are not as prone to the self-analysis that E is, and do not have a huge resource of analytical logic to combat emotions that don't make sense. And while E isn't always capable of changing his emotions, he does recognize that they don't always make sense and has been able to share that with me. (Sometimes talking with E is akin to computer running a self-diagnostic. LOL!)

In general most don't wonder why the emotions exist, nor ever question not doing what they dictate. B may simply be subject to overwhelming fear and not able to give you a logical reason for it.

While I understand that B's behavior seems purposeful to you, I highly doubt that it is. It sounds like his behavior is based on overwhelming fear. For your own sanity, I suggest you give him as much of the benefit of the doubt as you possibly can. It is impossible to think clearly and move forward when focused on the premise that you are being persecuted in some way.
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