Originally Posted by london
This sums it up, for me. You see, when you tell someone that you feel a certain configuration like a closed triad or a family style dynamic raises "lack of trust/insecurity/fear based controlling rules" red flags, they become defensive. I totally understand why a lot of people need these type of things and, as the author acknowledges, it is because "trust isn't solid enough" and I dont always think that it is always an unfounded lack of trust but it exists all the same. We all know the risks of getting involved with someone in one or more existing relationships that lack trust and the like, so I don't understand why there would be surprise that people are wary of poly networks where the are signs that a lack of trust exists.
The need for a "family dynamic" does NOT stem from a lack of trust. It usually stems from an existing life! Not everyone likes keeping their relationships separate from their family, as it takes away from their family. I find it sad that London make a point of putting people down who don't like or have the time and energy to keep all their relationships completely separate form each other. Must be nice to live London's life, where all partners can communicate extraordinarily effectively and have complete trust in each other in all aspects - they must have some special mind reading ability.