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Old 11-11-2013, 05:36 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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It is ok to feel afraid.

But in order to feel better? Between what iffing doom and taking positive action? Taking positive actions helps bring feelings of "secure" back. What iffing doom just brings feelings of "Aaaaahhh!" Which are you feeding?

Take it in baby steps.

Tell your husband you are struggling.

Tell him your (list of needs) that are not being met at this time. Ask if he's willing/able to meet them at this time. And if not willing/able, what blocks him and if he could BECOME willing/able over time?

Ask him for his needs. Tell him if you are willing/able to meet them or not. And if not willing/able, what blocks you and if you could BECOME willing/able over time?

When you examine all these things, does that mean the marriage can continue because the needs will be met? Or come to an end because the people in it are no long willing/able to tend to it or each other in healthy ways?

Then move it along to the next step -- whether the goal is (rebuilding) or (ending) the marriage. Become firm of purpose, and then align behavior to support the goal. No more sitting on the fence.

You can't move it forward without this talk, and you seem tired of being in the stuck. So... could move it along. Could feel afraid, and then do what needs doing anyway so you can feel better in time.

How can people help you have this conversation? You need help forming the words? Articulating needs? Something else?

Quote:
I don't know what I have to offer my husband in terms of a new committment when my feelings are all over the place.
You could ASK your husband what he would want/need from you. Then determine if you are willing/able to provide those things. You are not a mind reader.
Quote:
Also idk if I can or want to recommit. This is my fear for him to hear me say that and I have nobody
You seem to be letting your fear of being alone rule your life and keep you from less than honest/ethical behavior.

You could decide to flip it. Start to behave in ways that are honest, ethical and assertive. Then you don't have fear being alone because people enjoy being with you. BECAUSE you are an honest, ethical person.

Hang in there.
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-11-2013 at 05:45 PM.
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