How do I deal?
I'm feeling very uncertain right now. My partner and I have been discussing/attempting an open relationship for about 9 months now. (Been together about 16.)
I've just seen her get more frequently and more intensely sad as this process has gone on. She was the one that has wanted this change in our relationship, but I haven't been able to adjust well. I wish this was easier for me.
I still feel very insecure about us. I'm afraid that she'll find somebody else. Somebody that's ready to be fully supportive of this way of life right now.
I've felt unfairly treated throughout the process: pressured, coerced, deceived, neglected. I've taken this feeling and turned it into stubbornness, as if me having to deal with those issues makes me owed something. Like if I have to let her be with other people, then I should get a free pass on the rest of our relationship issues. This isn't a conscious thing, I just notice it's been happening.
I've also become very guarded with my feelings, as if feeling less for her will lessen any hurt when she's off with somebody else. As if needing or wanting her less will lessen what I feel when she's with somebody else. Or if I'm less fully committed with my feelings, it will hurt less if she leaves me.
Help, how do I deal?