What are you and your husband holding on? A loveless, irretrievably broken marriage. Separate, divorce, and end it as friends. It sounds like your marriage was broken, and you added poly. Rookie mistake. You and your husband need to part ways and make it peaceful as possible to avoid hurting your children. What you are both doing is blocking each other from moving on. He might be swinging to fill the empty sex life, but there might come a day when he wants to feel loved. You cannot give that to him, so you need to free him so he can find a woman who can give him what he needs. Regardless as to how short-lived you and B were, at least you were getting your emotional and sexual needs met. You should be grateful for the times you had with him and whatever he brought into your life. There are lessons, wisdom, and experiences in every relationship that will help you in relationships for years to come.
B is not the cause of your life being ruined. He has to do what it takes to make sure he gets custody of his children. His ex could be spiteful and use his lifestyle against him, and some gullible judge just might buy it. He may love you, but he loves them more. Right now, the needs of those children trump yours. I am not understanding how you can blame him for wanting to be upstanding and wanting to do the right thing by his children. How about you be a good friend and support him? If you love him, then, you should want to be a shoulder he can cry on or just be there to listen to him. Circumstances mean you cannot be romantically involved. Divorce eventually comes to a head. Children get older.
I would advise you and your husband to seek therapy, so you two can address the issues in your marriage. If nothing else comes of it, you two will be able to communicate and be friends and just maybe you two will not saddle your next partners with all the emotional baggage. I think you need to work on yourself, too. Happiness starts from within. In order to be healthy, you have to get rid of things that are weighing you down and find joy in this life. What makes you happy outside of relationships and getting your needs met? If you cannot name what makes you happy, go out and find things that will bring you joy and happiness. A man should not be the only source of happiness. It is okay if he is an extension of your happiness and does bring you even more happiness than what you have on your own. I know you are hurting, and I am sorry for that. Break-ups hurt. I hope it gets better for you. Sending you hugs.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.