You're grieving. Give yourself time to get over the loss.
However, I would seriously consider divorce. You are unhappy and unfulfilled in your marriage. Unless you can just live together as friends and have your own separate lives, I see no reason to stay together. Kids are resilient, and will adapt. You need to live your life for you, and I think it would benefit you to be on your own. Your happiness should not be dependent upon your relationships.
The world opens up... when you do.
"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "