View Single Post
Old 11-09-2013, 11:03 PM
LondonGuy LondonGuy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Humberside, no longer in London but I still visit regularly
Posts: 90
Default gramlav probable

Originally Posted by london View Post
Attempting to change your mindset from a monogamous one to a polyamorous one is difficult for someone who ids as poly, let alone someone who doesn't or is unsure if they do. Attempting to do so to be with someone who has that relationship style opposed to doing it because it's something you feel would work for you is inadvisable but it does work out for some and will probably involve some hardship along the way. It is therefore greatly advisable to take an objective look at the relationship and decide whether the hardship is outweighed by the benefits of the relationship at the end. Eg. I read something by a mono in a poly relationship where he said that he would have never agreed to go through the hardship if he didn't have some assurance that they would have a primary style relationship, at least in terms of things like kids and a house. Going through all the pain wouldn't have been worth it if she were to go on to do that with someone else. Largely because that would mean him sacrificing that desire. Plus, if you do weigh up the pros and cons objectively, and find that it is more beneficial than not that "list" is something you can refer to when shit gets tough.
London, a lot of what you put when you flesh out your answers is actually pretty reasonable. But bulking it together in such a way makes it pretty difficult to read it cohesively. I suggest breaking down your posts so that you think "this paragraph I'm going to talk about x, next paragraph I talk about y". Also drop the negativity, it makes people really keen not to read anything you write.

Your first post was very negative!!

I think you should really think about whether the benefits of this relationship outweigh the inevitable hardship you'll experience.
She's here isn't she? She's trying to research it as much as possible so she can feel supported with this, she feels secure and comfortable with him, she wants a life with him - give her some credit for recognising she's insecure and wants to work on it and don't resort to suggesting she walks away.
Reply With Quote