I kind of had a dont ask dont tell thing. I wasnt allowed to do a number of things in my past marriage, i did them anyway, I wasnt trying to hard at hiding anything. for instance I was not allowed to go to bars, or drink out of the house. But I would frequently come home smelling like an ashtray (from all the smokers in the bars) I wasnt allowed to smoke. I did anyway and he never asked about it. I wasnt allowed to have a girlfriend of my own but I went out with my girlfriend all the time, often staying out until 4 am at her house and he never questioned it.
done with poly, the end.