Thank you all for your words of wisdom and sharing your experiences.
After my father and I were estranged several years ago, for over 2 years, we never really resolved what had caused us to not speak to each other. We just kinda picked up where we left off. I was also no longer an unsure 18 year old teenager when we started speaking again. I was a 21 year old adult, working and supporting myself. There were no 'questionable choices' for him to disapprove of.
My Step Mom was originally very intrigued by the idea and asked lots of questions and really wanted to meet my bf. My Dad's statement of 'never wanting to meet the guy' included her as well so he has put his foot down and forbid her to meet him.
I can't really avoid seeing my Dad, I just have no idea what to say to him when I do, which is causing my anxiety. Do I just pretend nothing has changed? He was adamant that he didn't want to hear anything more on the subject so I can't even bring up my bf's name. I have to hide it and I'm really not comfortable doing that now, not after I've gone through this emotional rollercoaster and personal reflection to decide to be open about it.
And then there's my husband. He doesn't have a close bond with my family, he's just angry and offended by many of the things my father said. He's not sure how he can be in the same room as my father now either.
I think that although my Dad said he didn't want to talk about it anymore, I need to have one more conversation about it. I need to give both of us some time, I agree with everyone on that point. I just need to find the words. I think he needs to know how much his judgement hurt, because I didn't express that to him. He's used to me being quiet and just not debating with him. I need him to know that me being poly is not a phase that's going to go away. I need him to know that I love my bf and that I'm not just fooling around. I have found a loving and supportive partner in him. And my marriage is not in danger of failing because of this choice my husband and I have made.
My Dad said 'Time will tell' but I'm not going to hold my breath while he dictates the terms of his possible acceptance.
You are right Grounded Spirit, I agree with what you said about me being an adult that doesn't have to rely on his acceptance.
This is just so hard, I lost my Dad once from my life and it was so hard. I'm reluctant to take that risk again.