Wow, much more to DADT than I thought. Dirty secret definitely doesn't apply to H or E. I need to rethink how I've been describing it.
I guess I'd say that what I've been calling our DADT relationship centers on privacy, not secrecy. J knows that when I "have plans" it's with one of them, but there are no questions or recaps of the evening.
Given that all of us have children (not together), combining our families by living together has been mutually determined not to be an option. I guess E, H and I enjoy our relationships without feeling a need to take it further than it is.
So then, I guess I don't know what we are? I thought DADT described it pretty accurately!