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Old 11-09-2013, 12:07 PM
peabean peabean is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 57

Originally Posted by Natja View Post
The penis thing was a for example and there have been plenty of situations where a man has felt left out when women have been really into each other and many a time when one of the women have felt left out too.

In fact people who are experienced in threesome sex in a swinger capacity may feel that it is always like that (i.e. super hot) but there is no way for them to understand how different it is once feelings are engaged.

It is hard work concentrating on two people at once, for example you can only look into one pair of eyes at a time. Threesome sex is like something really rich and sweet, a lovely treat but too much it makes you sick and you feel like you never even want to see another rich cake.
Making a rule that there can only be threesome sex at first is incredibly self destructive to any emotion based relationship.
I think you are looking at this from just your own perspective. In my opinion people have many different reactions to threesome sex. To assume that swingers are somehow clueless and walking into a 'feelings' trap is ridiculous. They are grown up adults, and will have to navigate new territory when venturing into poly just like anyone else. So what?

People harp on and on about the importance of dyads within triads. Clearly, this is an important point, and newbies should be aware of it. On the other hand, if you acknowledge that there are 4 relationships within a triad, then you also have to care for the 4th relationship (i.e the three person one). If, lake most humans, you use sex as a bonding activity within the relationship, you therefore need to have some threesomes to keep that 4th relationship strong.

I for one don't find threesomes lack intimacy. I have no trouble feeling connected to both partners, looking in both of their eyes, feeling my heart beat with theirs. I don't think threesomes are like a too sweet cake.

There is no rule in my relationship that dictates threesomes. That said, the logistics of having a kid and three full time jobs means we end up having a lot of threesomes because the only time we have for sex is when we are all at home together when the kid is asleep. Probably 80% of the time, and it is just as good for building intimacy as dyad sex.

Perhaps the OP will find the same thing is true in their relationship. This whole discussion on the validity of threesomes smacks of sexual shaming. I just love how rigidly polyamory is defined on this board.
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