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Old 11-09-2013, 04:22 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
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I'm mono. My partner is poly. I went into my relationship with both eyes open, knowing that he was in another relationship that was pretty new as well. We started off without any dishonesty, without any cheating, and it was STILL more difficult, emotionally, than I expected.

Quote:
Originally Posted by geminigirl69 View Post
I love him and he loves her and I both so what better way to enjoy life than to all be together. Isn't that the idea? Just looking for helpful ways to go about it.
It's your idea. It may be his idea. But it's most definitely not hers, since she's going to be blindsided by it

Even though I'm in a poly relationship, I do not want to be together with everyone 24/7. I love my partner, not his OSO. We're friends, but we don't "click" as close friends, despite her desire to have that level of closeness. I had to ask her to stop with the pressure to have our relationship be something it's not.

Please try to step out of your own shoes and think about how she's going to feel, not how you can coerce her into feeling differently. Damage will be done, and that will have to be healed before you can ever try to get her to consider something new.

What's in this for her? A "relationship" with someone she doesn't know, who's been seeing her BF behind her back, and therefore, is probably going to be seen as completely untrustworthy? Less of her BF as his time is divided between the two of you, just as she needs to rebuild her trust in him and work at keeping that relationship alive (if she even wants to)?

Feel free to shut me out as being harsh, but you're in for a shitstorm. Good luck to all of you.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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