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Old 11-08-2013, 10:36 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by strudel View Post
I don't see too many posts from people in a don't-ask-don't-tell poly situation. It's really worked for J and I, so I'm not sure I see a negative side to it, but wasn't sure if others had opinions or experiences to share.

H and I have a similar relationship; he obviously knows of J and E but doesn't care to know details.

Is don't-ask-don't-tell common in poly relationships?
I think it's the kind of thing that can work great.....until it doesn't.

It's like not buying house insurance. As long as nothing bad happens, you're golden, laughing at all those suckers for paying their monthly premiums. But when it blows up, it's catastrophic

To me, the biggest problem is that it necessitates lying. Now, I have no problem with privacy and keeping some things secret. But that's different from bold-faced lies. I don't see how you could maintain DADT without eventually lying outright.

I think it would be pretty much impossible to have a really intimate, long term, loving relationship with someone if I couldn't even tell my spouse that they existed. For me, one of the things that makes my life so fulfilling is the acceptance I get from everyone in it about my relationships with everyone else.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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